Parent Pages -->Transition Tips

Helpful Hints from a School Counselor:

If it works, don’t fix it.

If it worked once, do it again.

If it doesn’t work, don’t do it again. Do something different.

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Help! My child is an alien!

(the developmental stages of the young teen)

• Ability to imagine future consequences of present actions; some long-term planning becomes possible.
• Ability to think about possibilities and options, versus just the real and actual.
• Struggling with abstract vs. concrete thought.
• Moral judgments may begin to change – a shift from judgments based on external consequences and personal gain to judgments based on rules or norms of a group to which a child belongs.
• Social pressure and status become luring and important. Negative peer pressure can influence kids to cheat, cut class, use substances, lie, and do poorly in school.
• Test parent authority and control. Desire autonomy, although does not have a complete understanding of it. Parent-child conflict increases.
• Often a drop in self-esteem at onset of adolescence – probably linked to changing schools at same time as onset of puberty – self-esteem typically drops, but is followed by steady rise.
• Appearance becomes more important.
• Sex roles are being defined.
• Identity is being discovered – changing from child to adult. Role choices can be overwhelming at this age – occupational roles, sex roles, religious roles, etc.
• More complex and richer relationship with peers. Peer groups (mostly same-sex) become the vehicle for transition from the protected family life to the independent life of adulthood. Also, this group becomes a "safe" place to try new behaviors. Identity often wrapped-up in peer group and its conformity at this age – although as child gets older, the identity becomes more independent of the peer group.

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Survival Tips

You’re the Boss - Remain authoritative. If the teen gets too much autonomy too soon, the teen is at higher risk. Give thorough, genuine explanations for saying "no."

Feeling Good – Keep self-esteem high. Find things your child is good at and emphasize them. Set goals, do what your child enjoys, encourage pride in effort more than achievement. Encourage dignity and respect.

Cut ‘Em Loose – Give freedom where appropriate. Allow kids to do things they are good at on their own. Judge safety, level of commitment, and risk factors.

The Buddy System – Know who your child’s friends are. Have friends to your home so you can get to know them. Call parents of your child’s friends to talk about what will happen when your child is at their house.

Family Night – Keep communication open. One night a week with no TV or distractions and discuss how things are going. Many teens resist this idea, but even if they choose not to participate fully, they will know that communication is a priority in your family. This can lead to teens talking to you at times other than "family" time – fulfilling the goal of communication.

Practice PTA – Join the PTA. Keep in touch with the things happening at school. Familiarity with your child’s education and environment will help keep you aware of the teenage "culture."

Parent Power – Parent support. Start a group of parents who are going through similar experiences. Meet once a month to discuss parenting tips and ideas. Creating a support network with the parents of your child’s friends can help you feel more secure about how kids spend their time. Volunteer for school, sports, your child’s activities – get involved!

Safe Risk – Encourage positive and safe risks such as encouraging your child to meet new friends, try out for a new sport. Positive risks encourage positive development.

Help – Get it when you need it! Guidance Counselors have great resources if you need some direction.

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Academic Support

Keep the homework momentum. Homework areas should be quiet, comfortable, well-lit. Establish a specific time each day for homework, preferable earlier in the day when energy and concentration tend to be higher. Turn off the TV! Don’t do homework FOR them, but DO help with difficult parts and check for completion.

Assignment notebook. Encourage the use of the assignment notebook. It will give you an idea of what homework is due each day and what tests/important projects are on the way.

Break-up big tasks. Help kids break big tasks into smaller ones. This makes things seem less overwhelming.

Backpacks. Prepare backpacks and school supplies the night before coming to school. Make sure homework and important papers are organized.

Stay organized! Encourage 5 minutes each day to keep binders in order.

Quality work. Check for quality work. Most middle-schoolers have about 1 ½ hours of homework a night. Some kids perform better when they know that no matter what, they must spend a certain minimum amount of time doing homework. If work quality is suffering, require your teen to sit in the homework area for a given length of time, even if work is completed sooner (the idea being that they will eventually devote that extra time to productive work).

Feedback. When in doubt, find it out! Ask for teacher feedback and details about your child’s progress.

Practical applications. Help your child see the practical applications of school........what does it all mean down the road?

Set goals. Help your child set goals – daily, weekly, and long-term goals. Give praise, feedback, and constructive criticism in the context of those goals.

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Resources for Parents

Go to the FCPS Webpage – www.fcps.edu

The "parent education" link will direct you to The Center for Promoting Family Learning and Involvement – parenting resources such as a weekly quiz, tip of the day, ask the experts, and school success library.